.leave me alone.

.one agony.

i can hardly breathe

you are restricting my freedom

closing up my social circle

stop it! i need space

.second agony.

you dont deserve any respect from me

cos you dont behave like one i should follow

throwing your temper

pushing your weights around

i am sorry to wake u up

but you are not the emperor

i am not like them

i dont forgive and forget that easily

you destroy everything that they have bulit

the damage is there

it will be with me forever

"push on"

.brilliant.

i am a fortunate teller today. nothing can hide from my eyes. =)

"dont bother to change me"

.PAIN.

someone please help me! i have been suffering from this stupid sharp pain in my stomach since late afternoon till now. i thought it was some gastic pain but i wasnt convinced because i do not have history of skipping meals and i did not believe that i was so lucky today to hit the jackpot when i chose to have my lunch at 3pm.



anyway, why on earth did i have my lunch at 3pm when the farewell assembly ended around 10am? a few of us went to have PE today. omg!!! i think we were mad. we played for almost 2 hours of soccer and basketball. it was a great achievement for us thinking that our last official PE was in stone age and our stamina were going downhill.



today, tiong asked me something. why do i use the word "freaking"? i use it as a substitute for the you-know-what-word-that-cannot-be-published. very unpleasant and an eye sore for a girl to use foul langauge? i dont really care. so if i happen to brust it out right into your face, pardon me. i do not do that purposely. i guess it has became a habit, a real bad one.



hopefully the pain will be gone by tomorrow morning cos i will be having a long, busy and tiring day tomorrow. it must be be gone by tomorrow or else i will suffer from serious sorethroat from all the cries for help and balding after pulling my hairs cos the pain is so damn unbearable.

"never give up even if the chances of success is zero"

.skippy bean.

consultation with mrs nair rocks! she makes the impossible seem possible. rmb the "is the fight for poverty a lost cause. discuss" question eileeno! she said it was an easy question to do but the 2 of us did not agree with her. we felt that we needed to have a lot of facts on poverty in order to score for that question. however, she had proved us wrong. the whole essay just requires common sense.



i have ran out of ideas. this is such a useless, senseless and meaningless entry. maybe.



farewell assembly on next monday. my last official school day. =)

"it neither unifies nor diversifies"

.i am fine.

i have recovered from the short term depression. YEAH! went to dingod's house to eat tiramisu cake with others today. omg! it's so yummy but he and goi refused to tell me the recipe. =( it's okay. i should experiment it with my mum one day and there is a high probability that i will burn the kitchen down. haha..



as promised, here are the photos!




eileenong! and sweeling




jess's BIG face




dingod's BIG hand




dingod's shocked expression




the red forces




the blue forces




one of the cups has NO ice in the iced water at all




guides friends without weifang





goi and me




weijun and youyi




KC with his smelly towel




tiong. why is he looking down?


my dad has a flu. =(

"an apple a day keeps the doc away"

.f off.

SIGH! i have lost the battle against myself again. many said it is just a gauge to determine where i stand but the outcome will somehow affect my morale. i am depressed.



the same question was thrown back at me today. i was stunned. without thinking, i slammed her back. i was thinking of it on my way home. i understand her worries. she does not want to see any man left behind. how would the situation be like now if i had made a different decision then? would i be happier? i dont know and i dont wish to think about it. since i had decided a few months back, i should just stick to my decision and look ahead. it's the last month to go and it will be a waste of my effort to let it go now. now, i cant do much but just hang in there.



sometimes i just hate myself. why do i keep failing myself? have i not learnt my lesson and felt the greatness of disappointment 2 years ago? why cant i just get things right for once. have i pushed myself to the wall yet? what is wrong with me?! i hate to be a loser. nobody wants to be a loser. what can i do? just drag me and pull me along, friends. dont mind about the physical injuries i may suffer along the way. slap me when i am falling asleep, kick me when i am slacking. i will thank you when i emerge victorious.



as what dingod said, we are in a business cycle. there are points along the curve when there is a recession or a boom. i cannot expect myself to be enjoying constant boom throughout the whole year unless i am a genius. i am just unlucky to face a recession now. let's hope we will have a boom in nov and it will bring smiles on our faces in feb/march next year. as quoted from pee's blog, dont look down. look up at the clear blue sky after the rain and i will see a rainbow. as long as the phenomenon exists, there is still hope for everyone. look up, shoulders back, arms at the side.



PS/ gracious is never found in my dictionary. i dont believe in luck and i will not depend on it anymore!

"stay strong, win the race"

.busy.

it had been a busy weekend for me. met up with 5some to have a farewell lunch for shan on sat at glasshouse fish and co. after that, went to eat katong laska with s16. and today, had a mini guides and scouts reunion at JP before shan left for UK.



she is leaving spore to further her studies at UK. it is not the first time she is leaving spore but it feels different today. i felt sad when we parted at clementi mrt. i know we will be able to meet up again but i have to wait for 8 more months. it is such a long wait. it's sad to see my friends around me leaving me because i am afraid that the separation will mark the end of our friendship. i know the technology is so advanced today and we can chat with each other on net right but the feeling is different. i do not want to lose any friends and i do not want to be left alone. maybe it is just the pessimistic me getting into some mischief. maybe i am thinking too much. anyway, we didnt drift apart when she was studying at shanghai. so, there should not be much of a problem now right? shan, if you happen to read this on the plane on your laptop, i will really miss you a lot! take good care of yourself and i will start saving for our bangkok trip. =)



the mini reunion was fun. it was great to see us getting back together and chat about the good old days in RV. the sec3 dance item and we have not got all the dance pairs right yet! haha.. how each of us have changed over the past 2 years, in terms of HEIGHT and LOOKS. i shall not stand beside jc in the future. i can only reach his shoulders. argH! vic with his sun-burnt face and his the-lamian-man-lai joke.



took some photos when i was out during the weekend. i shall post them on my blog when i am free.

"take care because we care"